Since I still have a crippling case of writers block, I decided to pick a topic at random and write an educational essay, if you will. The random topic was Politics, which I know volumes about. I'm even registered to vote (in Nevada). Anyway, I am also most likely going to be your President in 2016, so this will be something the media can come back to and see how brilliant I was way back now. Yeah, I'm confused too on that sentence.
Basically, we need to break down the American political system down to its two primary parties: Republicans & Democrats. I subscribe to neither parties' doctrines, so this shall be a fair and balanced dissertation. Let's begin with Republicans. Republicans are conservatives and are made up of white Charlie Church types, retarded young people, gullible minorities, rich people, really poor people, Satan, and people with nubs instead of limbs. Republicans enjoy cutting, S&M with the shades drawn, NASCAR, molesting Japanese girls, guns, complaining about second hand smoke, yelling, ignoring basic facts about science and nature, counting obscenities on TV, FOX News, blowing shit up, telling you how to live, and graphically violent cartoon rape scenes (usually involving an elephant or otter).
Your very right-wing Republicans are all known to be closet case, self-loathing, homophobic homosexuals. If gay marriage was legalized throughout our closed minded land, all those right-wingers would be too tempted to marry one another and suck the hell out of some cock until the Apocalypse, which according to Republicans is sometime around next Arbor Day (plant a tree, then run it over in your Hummer). Their homophobic homogitus is also the reason they are so Pro-Life and against Stem Cell Research. You see, the more children that are born increases the number of young boys right-wingers can prey upon. What I propose to them is to drop the cloning ban, clone themselves, and fuck the shit out of their clones. Because a Republican loves no one more than his or herself. Also, if you ask any Republican, they will tell you that the universe is only 6,000 years old - because the Bible says so. Let's go off on a tangent with this:
First off, let me say that I am indeed a spiritual person. I know there is something out there due to the fact that if I was on my own to run my life, I would have died about 4,000 times by now by doing some stupid shit. I also think the Bible is A-OK. It is a nice book to learn how to be a good dude. However, most of it was written by sexist, racist dudes 2,000 years ago, so COME ON! Don't take everything so fucking literal! That being said, let me tell why the earth and universe cannot be only 6,000 years old. Everyone agrees that math is the universal truth. It is everywhere and cannot be so hastily disputed. Why you ask? Because, as I understand, God doesn't lie. If the common language of EVERYTHING is a lie, then you're basically calling God a filthy liar. And he hates that shit. Therefore, posit if you will, that Carbon-14 tests done on fossils and sediment samples that are billions of years old must be held as a mathematical, and therefore, universal truth. End of rant.
Let's move on to Democrats. Democrats are liberals and are made up of atheists, brooding artists, college kids who don't shower, minorities, regular poor people, pussies, pretentious celebrities, gays, lipstick lesbians, scientists, Satan, and that damn liberal media. Democrats enjoy cutting (who doesn't), S&M in a public park, NASCAR, giving hand jobs to prisoners, losing elections, the New Yorker, pretending to care about the environment, those stupid Ugg boots, being elitist, crying, anything with Cameron Diaz or Julia Roberts, abortions, and large pieces of art depicting a religious figure(s) being harpooned by a giant cock(s).
Your very left-wing Democrats are well known to be ginormous pussies that cannot process an original thought. They are also closet homosexuals but are not so guarded in their secret. Democrats don't believe in the sanctity of marriage and would love it if everyone got to fuck goats. Left-wingers are also made up of the young boys that should have been aborted, but ended up being preyed upon by right-wingers. Explains a lot, eh? If the Democratic party was manifested into a person, it would be the unholy union of Jan & Cindy Brady.
Our next topic shall be Democrats vs. Republicans. Republicans have totally kicked the Democrat's asses for the past few years. And how pathetic can the Democrats be that they couldn't find a decent enough opponent to the worst president in the history of everything? Holy fuck, a retarded spider monkey could've beat W, but they seemed to fuck that up. I don't understand how anyone with eyes, ears, and an IQ over 65 could've voted for that douchebag's re-election. Are people really that scared? Fuck it, and that leads us to the majority party; the party with more constituents than the Republicans and the Democrats combined: The Apathetic Party. I belong to this party, along with 80% of America. We just don't give a fuck; but would appreciate it if they'd loosen up on the drug laws. Oh, and fix the goddamn roads for fuck's sake!
Obviously, I could go on and on ad infinitum, but I will let you get back to work. And that, my friends, is how you cure writers block.
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