I'm gonna break the rules and let you folks in on a little secret. I belong to a secret society. It has never been spoken of by any of its members and none of us that belong have ever been formally inducted because we are chosen at birth. We do not have meetings or a spoken agenda, all business is done via eye contact with other members. I don't know the consequences of my telling you this, but I belong to the secret society of Short Dudes.
Any dude under five foot nine is considered a short dude. There has always been a discrimination against short dudes since the dawn of time. Abel was a short dude, that's why Cain killed his ass. Since then, short dudes have evolved a secret telepathy that works with other short dudes. For example, I was at a restaurant the other night and a short dude walked in with a super hottie. All us other short dudes thought at him, "Way to go, dude. She's hot as fuck." He was like, "Yeah, I'm a pimp."
The reason we are discriminated against is because it is a proven fact that short dudes are better lovers. In the Kama Sutra, it teaches that if the two partners are of equal height, the sex is much, much more orgasmly awesome (paraphrasing). Tall dudes, being insecure about this devastating fact, started an anti-short dude propaganda campaign. Short dudes fought back and when our group was in it's prime, we chose a short dude to take over the world. His name was Napoleon. However, he freaked the fuck out and because of him, we had to take our cause underground. All I can tell you now is that if we ever get another short dude elected president, watch the fuck out.
Just in case you're wondering about my stats, without shoes I'm 5 foot 6 and 3/4 (6'3 if I'm standing on my dick). *rimshot*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment