My Left Foot.... is Insane

I was taking a dump last night and I guess I shifted my weight, because the nerve in my left foot that leads to the toe beside the big toe (probably a name for that toe, must check that out) started going crazy. The pain was unbearable and it felt like the toe had popped out of the socket. I lifted my foot and the toe hung there like the dick of an old man who is out of Viagra. I gritted through the pain to finish my "business" and tried walking without much success. My whole left foot was going bat shit crazy. I was the opposite of Daniel Day Lewis in that movie I never saw; everything worked but my left foot. The only pain I have felt similar to this is a sex cramp. Dudes, you know when you are totally going balls to the wall on a girl and doing some crazy acrobatic shit - and then all the sudden it feels like someone has harpooned the arch of your foot? It felt like that times a million. Luckily, I had my ball gag, so I bit down of that for half an hour until the horrible feeling went away and my Parkinson's foot went back to just being dope. I realize that this is the type of shit I have to look forward to by getting older. I just hope medical science invents a less intrusive way of checking prostates before I turn 40. I do not look forward to having some doctor's fucking hand elbow deep in my ass checking for polyps. Fuck that.