Turkey Boy is a Menace

I have a split personality. One is me: Nice, considerate, responsible, hard working, successful dude. The other side I call Turkey Boy. Turkey Boy appears when Sean has too much to drink. Turkey Boy is an asshole of the highest magnitude. TB gets his jollies by talking shit, pissing in inappropriate places, (ie: closets, baptismals, etc), telling you that he fucked any or all of your female relatives, friends, wives, and so on. TB has no racial, sexual, or socioeconomic boundaries. He is generally an obnoxious cocksucker. It is of interest to note that TB has never gotten my ass kicked - knock on wood. You can tell when you are talking to him due to the horrendous gobble noises he makes. He thinks they are funny, but they are just very, very sad.