Things I Learned from a Racist Six Year Old Girl on the Bus

*Cardboard boxes are the most multifaceted thing in the universe.
*Your grandmother will die if you don't eat your cauliflower.
*The Internet is full of nice men who like to play with children.
*The witch that lived at the end of my darkened hallway was indeed real.
*Writing in cursive is stupid and for queers.
*Shows like Dora and Blue's Clues insult and retard intelligence.
*Van Halen was better during the Sammy Hagar years.
*The President is a great big dummy head.
*The Tooth Fairy smells like whiskey.
*Eating Play-Doh covers all food groups, including the oft forgotten Pet Dander Group.
*Sticking a paper clip in an electrical outlet is a great way to score free candy.
*While the US/Mexico border wall is a good start, we need to have flying sharks patrol it.
*Babies are made when Mommy is really drunk.
*Sally Miller is a lying little bitch.
*DVD players in automobiles have ensured the lowering of America's IQ.
*Freemasons are super cool.
*There's a rumor that years ago, there were cartoons on Saturday mornings.
*If it could be either a scoop of butter or a scoop of ice cream, it's probably butter.
*Three words: Goober Grape Awesome
*Adults are stupid because they care so much when a golddigging porn star OD's.
*...and then the White guy says, "I'll just have a Coke."
*Dr. Phil got his PhD with 4 proofs of purchase from Fruit Loops boxes.
*Mommy's magic wand smells like the dumpster behind Benihana.
*So does the shower head.
*Learning Spanish is a waste of time. We'll all be speaking Chinese very soon.
*Daddy says a restraining order is Mommy's way of saying, "I love you."
*I look a little too "Jewey" for her tastes.
*I also have stinky breath.